I might have been single and fabulous, but I was still single (and didn’t want to be). At age 34 I was starting to doubt my “someday it will happen” attitude. I made it my business to never again lose myself in a relationship, but when someone asked me, “what do you want?” my answer was always, “I want a relationship with someone I want to spend my life with”. People told me I was one of the happiest people they knew. I was happy when it came to my career and passions. But romantic love was still missing, and it was a big missing for me. After 2 failed long-term relationships in my 20s, it had now been 6 years of either online dating, obsessing over some guy (from the hot guy in my building to the bar tender at my local pub), or settling for casual encounters. I was frustrated, disappointed, and lonely. Something had to change.
I Took An Honest Look In The Mirror
Straight up- I had to own that my love life (or lack thereof), was of my own creation. No one did it to me and it wasn’t the result of some societal issue either (I love blaming society for my shortcomings haha). Men weren’t the problem either. I was the problem. This was a tough pill to swallow but thank goodness I did.
It was time to stop letting the 14-year-old inside me design my love life. I stopped focusing on getting validation from flirtatious hunks and got serious about what I’m really looking for in a man. Here are some of the steps I and my clients found very useful to get started.
Look But Do Not Touch
I want you to start “checking people out”. Have fun with it. Don’t worry so much about whether they’re the right guy or wrong guy. It’s time to unhinge from the typical ones you want anyway. I promise you there are some hotties that you’ve just been dismissing or assuming wouldn’t be interested. So start noticing them all and enjoy the scenery!
Think About…
How do you want to FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF when you’re with your future partner? No one but YOU can answer this question. Observe what actions actually allow for that feeling? For example, if you want to feel strong or empowered, being stubborn won’t create that, but being vulnerable and compassionate might! If you want to feel beautiful, you may want to practice accepting compliments. If you want to feel fun, I invite you to BE FUN! You might surprise yourself!
Write Your Vows… To You
This would be a good time to make some promises to yourself. If you have lost yourself in past relationships, YOU did that. No one but you compromises yourself. That being said, things will change when you do go from single to madly in love, so take some time now and set your personal ground rules. What are you willing/not willing to compromise?
Love yourself. Love your life. Fall in love… and don’t settle.