3 ways to NOT give-up on dating
3 ways to NOT give-up on dating
By Michelle Baxo
There were times when the word Tinder would make me throw-up a little in my mouth. I yearned for the good kind of butterflies but the dates I was going on were making me want to accidentally drop my I-phone out of a moving car window.
Let’s see. There was the guy who only wanted to date me so he could turn my friends into his friends. How about the guy who was charming up until I made clear this wasn’t ending in a sexual encounter? Oh, and there was that one who unfortunately suffered from depression and also wanted me to be his free therapist—wasn’t that a treat?!
I could go on and on, and I bet you could too.
I bet all of us, at one point or another have said to ourselves some version of: “F-this! I’m never going on a date again. If love wants to find me, it will find me. Otherwise, it’s just not worth it!!”
It’s like after a bad hang-over when I tell myself that I will never have another drink or after a Big Mac tummy ache, telling myself that I’m going on a juice cleanse and quitting carbs. Not happening. Not really.
So let’s be honest, you are going to date again, there will be casualties, and you are probably still smart to use the apps as at least one of the ways to meet men. So let’s make it productive shall we?
Mindset is half the battle. If you’re dreading the date, it’s bound to be brutal. Choose a mindset that challenges you to be in the present moment, and to enjoy yourself. My favorite is to relate to the date like you’re traveling or on vacation. How would you be BEING if you met someone half-way across the world? I bet you’d be curious, interested, and easily fascinated. What else? Bring it to the date.
Stop wasting your time. Doing what? Stop wasting your time getting to know people before you’ve met them. You might think you’re weeding out the bad ones but you can do the basic weeding from their profile and about 3-5 exchanges. After that, I highly recommend using good old-fashioned human contact and conversation to learn more. You will be disappointed by some, it’s true, but your text-assessments would have been wrong most of the time anyway.
Keep your eye on the prize. Most people give up on dating (and many other things too) because they’re focused on the means of getting the result rather than focusing on the end result. That makes for a horrid experience. I promise that the people who climbed Mount Everest did not make the decision to climb based on whether or not they wanted blisters and light-headedness. So here’s what I want you to do. Get really clear about what you want your end result to be and how it will FEEL to have it fulfilled. From there, just like climbing Everest, starting a business or following through with any substantial project, you can keep taking the essential actions no matter how tough it gets, rather than being frustrated that it isn’t easy.
I know it seems like it was easier for some other people, and maybe it was.
Life sucks like that sometimes but it doesn’t mean you can’t have what you want. Let’s do this.
Much love,
Michelle
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